By Tom
Whoa the Olympics are going on AND the dumbest people I know have opinions about it? I wonder what they could be.
Oh boy, the Olympics are satanic and an affront to Christianity. If there’s one thing the Olympics are renowned for, it’s its commitment to the one true Christian God. Every stupid and dangerous person with a Twitter following had to have an opinion on the matter, and their lapping hog fans couldn’t get enough of it. For a bunch of tough-talking, facts-before-feelings, macho bros they sure get easily triggered by displays of uh…actual French history.
The latest attack ads coming out of the Kamala Harris campaign—oh hey, Joe Biden dropped out—has been that conservatives are weird. Actually, not just weird, but really fucking weird. The kind of weird you don’t leave alone with your kid. Take this banger of an ad released a couple weeks ago, or Minnesota Marxist-Leninist Tim Walz bluntly pointing out that conservatives are a bunch of weirdos—better yet, go down the rabbit hole a bit and just look into Donald Trump’s vice presidential pick JD Vance and sink in the ever deepening pool.
Naturally, I would chalk this outrage as “weird behavior.” At this point, I’m convinced that conservatism is a mental disorder that needs re-education (insert photo of Chairman Mao here), but the buffoonery AND bigotry had to jump up a couple of notches after Imane Khelif punched an Italian woman so hard it made her quit.
If you’re not engaged with this latest bit of controversy, congrats on all the pussy you’re getting—it must be so nice to be you—but if you’re like most terminally online meatsacks you’ve surely seen the tweets and headlines that the IOC let a DUDE beat up a LADY. There’s tweets galore from the same people who coined the vaginal-drying term “woke mind virus” and just a couple days ago filled a diaper barge over the opening ceremony being too French. I bet they have normal and well-thought out opinions, let’s take a look! (editor’s note: Get ready to see a lot of tweets from right-wing dipshits because Twitter is basically one giant Nazi rally now.)
Well that was fucking anti-climatic.
Your honor, the prosecution would like to submit Exhibit 1000-A as evidence in the continuing culture war to get trans people killed. Imane Khelif is not a trans person, she is a woman—insofar she meets the criteria of a woman by these creep’s standards, e.g. being a biologically born one. She has muscles and can punch pretty hard, which means she could be a man if you use caveman logic. If you haven’t seen the hog line of argumentation, I’ll recap by saying that they’re all bunk, and seriously considering them shows a lack of basic inquiry and emotional stability. Khelif has one professional win and 37 amateur ones, she’s been beaten 9 times by other women including the prior Olympics. Despite what weepy soft-jaw Italians will say, she’s only recorded 6 knockouts. (editor’s note: Khelif’s opponent Angela Carini apologizes for controversy she helped foment.)
Perhaps the most used argument has been that she has a genetic disorder where Khelif has both XY chromosomes, which caused her to be disqualified from the now banned and highly disgraced International Boxing Association. The IBA used to be good, but in the last 10ish years they’ve been embroiled in numerous scandals and corruption. Their current president Umar Kremlev, who has a very close relationship with autocrat Vladimir Putin, vowed to enact reforms within the IBA. And he did, just not the kind that are good. He moved the association’s headquarters from Switzerland to Russia, refused to allow independent organizations to appoint officials and judges, and, in order to pay off the organization’s $10 million in debt, took on a sponsor in Gazprom. Gazprom’s a Russian state-owned energy corporation who definitely loves what’s going on in Ukraine.
Anyway, this now goofy Russian organization held their world championships in 2023. Imane Khelif showed up and reached the finals before being disqualified for having high levels of testosterone. It’s just a coincidence that she reached the final after punching a Russian woman really hard in the semis. The IBA made the claim she has higher than normal testosterone—XY chromosomes—but provided no proof. Khelif and her camp said her disqualification was a big conspiracy at the time and pointed out that she’s never had this issue before with the IBA or any other boxing association, including the Olympics. It’s reported that Khelif has DSD (Differences of Sexual Development), meaning her body could have XY chromosomes or produce more testosterone than the average woman. All of this is conjecture because, from what I’ve read, nobody has bothered to ask her directly. Maybe someone should get her opinion on her own body.
(editor’s note: Two-time Olympic gold medalist Lin Yu-ting was also banned from this tournament for the same reasoning as Khelif. Her identity is also being heavily scrutinized during the Olympics.)
Oh there’s also this nugget of information. Khelif is a boxer for Algeria. Algerian laws over queer people are very homophobic. You can go to jail for a few years or pay tens of thousands of dinars if you’re caught being gay or trans. You can also just be beaten or lynched in public and the law won’t protect you there. It’s pretty fucked up and dumb, and the only thing I can think of that’s dumber is someone from Algeria coming out as trans at the Olympics for everyone to see.
So…Imane Khelif, is she a chic then? The answer should be “why does it matter?” The IOC has guidelines for athletes and a committee for boxers. If she were trans, which she is not, she’d have been vetted and subjected to the same guidelines and procedures as her opponents. It simply doesn’t matter.
However, braindead conservatives and transphobes think it matters A LOT. Despite all that evidence you just read from my vomitous mouth, dastardly hateful and vapid billionaires like Elon Musk and JK Rowling refuse to use the same accessible resources to better inform their already diseased and hateful minds. Instead they went the reactionary route and posted some false bullshit at the sheer horror of watching a man beat up a woman—editor’s note, Joanne Rowling has no problem using the United Kingdom’s shitty libel laws to sue people for pointing out how much of a putrid person she is, and as of writing this she has not taken down her horrible and false tweets about Khelif.
This dissemination of bullshit has breached containment and is now infecting the dumbest people in sports too—I can’t stress this enough, everything you read prior was found in 15 minutes and three cursory google searches—ESPN’s Dan Orlovsky tweeted “protect our daughters” before deleting it, most likely after coworker Mina Kimes subtweeted him and the other dithering fools at ESPN. Pat McAfee, who continues his years long war between being the most insufferable and most punchable, said to millions of people who watch his show—why?—that there are people out there smarter than him on the topic—like the IOC—but he’s still gonna give his take on the matter. Despite saying he empathizes with trans people—good!—he then puts a table on screen showing male superiority across all sport categories—uhhhhh?—and continues, throughout the segment, saying that Khelif has genetic advantages because she is trans—bad!
Current WWE United States Champion Logan Paul said some transphobic shit, got a phone call, took the tweet down but doubled down that, although he was wrong to call a CIS woman a man, his point still stands that men shouldn’t be boxing women. Congrats, Logan! By the way how is one of your lawsuits going? Still sleeping well after scamming people with your bullshit cryptozoo? If you’re all about harm mitigation why do you sell drinks to kids with poisonous chemicals in it? Fucking asshole, die in a chemical fire.
At this point of Western Imperial Decline this sort of outrage should be viewed as the record skipping over and over again while the Titantic smashes into Walmart-sized icebergs. If not Khelif then it’s Olympic swimmer Katie Ledecky being transvestigated by the dumbest people. Rightists and transphobes want you to understand that they do in fact care about women’s sports, while also making media that belittles it and jokes about how no one watches it (i.e., every WNBA joke, or if you want something more recent The Daily Wire’s Ladyballers). They care so much about men infiltrating that they disregard expert opinion and go off whatever agonizing reactionary thought pops into her head. Because Khelif and Ledecky—and others that will suffer—don’t look like what they think a woman should look like, they’re instantly labeled as men. This isn’t about protecting women in female sports, it’s about destroying queer identity. It’s about controlling the spaces women go to and policing those who can enter.
And sure, you might be the kind of idiot who’s reading this and saying to yourself, “Big deal, Tom. Why get worked up over something that will blow over in a couple weeks?” If politics and culture are downstream from one another then what you’re seeing is a concerted effort by the anti-LGBTQ mob to rob these people of their human rights and dignity. The backlash to a non-incident that these fucking people made up was political officials denouncing trans athletes because of woke—and I can’t stress this enough, this was over an athlete who wasn’t even trans. Donald Trump and his shitty, terrible, grown-up cum—children—recirculated this non-story to their millions of followers. His running mate—and couch cushion enjoyer—JD Vance falsely said Khelif was a man, Italy’s prime minister and residential fascist Giorgia Meloni said her boxer fought a man, and Missouri Secretary of State candidate Valentina Gomez said this shit and somehow hasn’t been beaten with hammers yet.
This is the dumbest thing. Look at all these stupid craven assholes and it’s not going away. They’re going to continue to harass queer people and waste everyone’s time. It’s exhausting. They are weird and lonely. Khelif’s next opponent, Hungarian Anna Luca Hamori, posted this insane photo to her story and her nation’s boxing association has already issued a protest to the IOC. It’s indicative of the society we’ve fostered for centuries. No matter what Imane Khelif does she’ll be viewed less than a woman—or perhaps more than a woman in that case—her many accomplishments and hard-work—hard-work that is used to describe her opponents but not her—are completely undermined by the loudest and dumbest fascists to slither out of this world’s asshole. Her reputation and sense-of-self tarnished by megalomaniacal billionaires that own social media platforms and/or wrote a shitty kid’s book. She’ll be scrutinized by the same loud oafs who confidently say they can tell the difference between a man and woman. She can lose her match tonight or win gold. No matter what she does will not be good enough for these terrible, ghoulish, weird individuals and their agenda to mitigate a woman’s identity and eradicate queer people and their likeness from the public sphere. Hang that in the fucking Louvre.
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