by Tom
Let’s open this guide with one thing: umpiring at any level is very hard, and you definitely wouldn’t be good at it.
I’ve been umpiring baseball for 7 years, starting at recreational and travel league, before moving up to do varsity and men’s league. If you’ve never officiated a baseball game before, understand that I am one hundred percent better at understanding the physical mechanics of it and the boring rigorous rulesets that necessitate its functioning.
I am also woefully stupid and bad at it. You are not even as good as a terrible ump like me.
Officiating baseball has been a very stable and lucrative side hustle for quite some time, only recently with my jump into varsity sports have I seen more fair compensation. I started off doing games for $30, but now make anywhere between $85 and $105. All for two hours of my time, mostly working the plate–a lot of umpires in our area have fallen victim to old age, and it seems cruel to have a 60+ year old man work a 7 inning game in 90+ degree heat. I have garnered a respectable reputation amongst coaches for my small but consistent strike zone, as well as some infamy on judgment calls. I am one of the youngest umpires in our association–which basically functions as a labor union–at 32 years old, and one of the more mechanically sound according to my evaluators. I am certified at four levels of baseball; USSSA, Babe Ruth, NFHS, and Cal Ripken, each carrying a price to bestow the honor of learning varying degrees of pedantry between their restrictive colleagues, and all of them requiring an initial investment between $50 and $65–except OBR, which is the official rulebook of MLB, often used in selected tournaments or, most commonly, in American Legion.
But again, I must reiterate, I am not very good at this job. Respected and sometimes rated as a fair and neutral arbiter by my peers and coaches, but not very good. It’s incredibly difficult to be good at this hobby for me, one that I have committed hundreds of dollars to buying equipment–umpiring gear is a money racket–rulebooks, site subscriptions, association dues, and travel. It’s the kind of hobby I simultaneously enjoy and regret. I will often look up a rule after a game to see if I botched a play–a lot of times yes–only to be completely shattered by the most drawl and boring technical writing you could imagine.
Let’s test your knowledge here: Last year at a Legion tournament in Windsor, Missouri, I had runners at second and third with one out. A squeeze play is called but the batter misses the sign. He attempts to bunt too late and takes a strike. The runner is barreling down the path. During his last-second bunt attempt he falls over the plate. The catcher has trouble deciding what to do as there’s now a 17 year-old kid leaning over his plate. He goes to block the plate while the batter stumbles out of the way, the incoming runner dives headfirst and knocks the ball loose from the catcher’s tagging mitt. What do you got?
Nothing. You ain’t got shit.
One of the more frustrating things about officiating is listening to people talk about it, usually on social media or television. MLB does a rather piss-poor job in communicating on-field decisions so most of the time TV commentators usually fire off the most homer-centered and rectum derived nonsense. Most of the time when Gary Darling expresses confusion at a dead ball swinging strike on a hit by pitch, or DannyMac–RIP by the way–on a check swing, they’re barely in the ballpark of reality. They’re usually wrong, I know this because I read the rules; I read the rules because I like being around baseball even though I don’t play it anymore–and because I’m horribly turgid–and I like being around baseball because I’m a very boring person outside of it. I’m more certified than the commentators and you, and just so we’re clear about this, I am an idiot.
I decided to make this guide to help you and me. It’ll provide you some simple things you need to know about umpiring crews in the Major League. Using Statcast data from umpscorecards.com you’ll know which umpires are more likely to call accurate games for your teams behind the dish, and with data collected from closecallsports.com, you’ll also know how many times an umpire had a judgment call challenged and how often they were overturned. In addition to that, you’ll know how many ejections umpires made last year, as well as an idiot’s–me–assessment of that umpire’s recent career accomplishments and failures.
This should also hone your criticisms of an umpire. They have a lot of power and are paid handsomely for it. A full-time Major League Umpire makes a six figure salary, the highest earners can make almost half a million a year after postseason assignments. All of their food, travel, and lodging are paid for by the league. They’re taken care of, you don’t have to feel guilty for them the same way you might feel for someone like me or some poor rec-league volunteer.
There are no measurable instances of umpires enforcing rules correctly in this guide. Umpires mainly do a good job, and frankly you probably got that question wrong about batter’s interference, so boring you to death on how many Obstruction Bs–oh you probably didn’t know that either, that there’s two kinds of obstructions–Jeremie Rehak called in 2022 will put the both of us to sleep. We’ll keep to what matters to fans as it’s easier to follow: balls and strikes, ejections, and challenges.
Here’s a link to the entire Google spreadsheet if you feel you want to look at it that way. I’m also using their stats from 2022, although as the season wanes on I will update these crew cards to show their 2023 numbers.
Here’s the aggregate numbers too if you want to know how umps did last season. They called 372,426 pitches, missed 23,049 for an average accuracy of 93.8%. They ejected 177 players/managers/coaches. They were challenged 1,404 times and overturned 679 for a Upheld rate of 51.6%.
Oh and there’s one more thing, because umpires are essentially cops, and all cops are bastards–even though the only blue line I will ever defend is the thin blue line that prevents Josh Donaldson from ringing Tim Anderson up on strikes. Some umps are what I would classify as good cops, meh cops, or bad cops. I decided to subjectively use my knowledge of MLB umpires to judge them accordingly, but never forget the undeniable objective fact that all cops are bastards.
Crew A: Jerry Layne (Crew Chief), Vic Carapazza, Adam Hamari, Nick Mahrley
There’s not a perfect crew. They tend to be evenly balanced with some decent and not so decent umps. You’re also going to notice crew chiefs are not usually the best performing–mainly behind the plate–this title is usually reserved for more senior and respected umpires–although not in every case.
Jerry Layne is the most senior umpire in MLB, he’s also had a ton of concussions in the last decade. Jerry was the third worst ball-strike caller with at least 10 games behind the dish in 2022. Luckily his crew is balanced out by Vic Carapazza (94.2%) and Adam Hamari (94.9%). Their 12 combined ejections ranked 2nd out of all crews, and their 93.9% accuracy league average. Their upheld% on replays was 55.7%, but was greatly hurt by Nick Mahrley who was overturned on 13 of his 17 challenges, and his crew leading 5 ejections.
If you want an ump to trust fully in, it’s Hamari who didn’t throw a single guy out last season, posted the 3rd best plate accuracy, and 2nd best Upheld%. I marked him as the goodest cop as well as Layne, only because Alex Verdugo showed genuine concern after he got clocked by a liner down the third baseline.
Crew B: Jeff Nelson (Crew Chief), CB Bucknor, Chris Segal, Ben May
You’re going to hate this group. I used to defend CB Bucknor as just being a bad umpire. Somebody has to be at the bottom, right? Ain’t no shame in that. But following his petulant shouting match with Oli Marmol last season boiling over into the Handshake Controversy this Spring, I’ve changed my tune on Bucknor and agree that he’s just sort of a dick. Jeff Nelson is meh because he’s a decent game manager and I’ve never seen him lose his cool, however he–and Bucknor–use the vintage scissor mechanic when calling balls and strikes, and the results speak for themselves.
At least in Nelson’s case he sucked for a month and a half (91.9% in his first 8 games, including a brutal 22 pitch missed performance in Toronto) before picking it up and post a 93.8% the rest of the season (in his defense, his 93.2% was 0.1% higher than his expected accuracy, so it’s kind of impressive he got his shit together to be somewhat league average).
Luckily this crew has Ben May, one of the most stoic fuckers out there. Until his last game of the season, May had a 3-year streak of calling games at least a 90% clip. Since Statcast became available in 2015, May has called 184 games behind the plate, with only 10 being less than 90%. If it didn’t seem like I didn’t like this guy enough, he ranks in the 83rd percentile in accuracy and 89th in consistency. He’s the best cop on this squad.
Chris Segal is very meh. Last April he nearly called the first perfecto in Washington. A few games later he missed 17 of 141 pitches for an 87.9% mark in the Bronx. Inside you there are two wolves…
Crew C: Bill Miller (Crew Chief), Rob Drake, Chad Whitson, Roberto Ortiz
I really expected to rank Bill Miller as a good cop, but then I remember the Brett Lawrie incident and thought he’d be a bad cop, but then he had that cool ump cam shot this season where Dylan Cease was throwing flames. I don’t know, Bill Miller is fine, I honestly thought he had more ejections, although if you’re a Cards fan you remember him running Mike Shildt after Doug Eddings flubbed an out and called time to rectify it. Miller’s 93.5% is below league average but a tick higher than his expected accuracy (let’s label those ACC and xACC going forward).
I’d give Chad Whitson good cop points if he wasn’t challenged and overturned so much. He also flirted with perfection last year going 134 for 136 in Kansas City. Despite being in the 77th percentile in ACC he shat his pants twice with two sub 90% performances. He didn’t eject anyone in 2022, which is cool.
Roberto Ortiz is the only good cop in this bunch. His good metrics behind the plate and in the field makes up for him ejecting Christian Yelich last season. He also ran Derek Shelton too, but the Pirates deserve to go unnoticed because they’re owned by a literal dragon in Bob Nutting. Prior to that Ortiz got through 2021 with no ejections.
This crew also has Rob Drake who I hate. I hate hate hate him. What kind of fucking sadist has a Twitter account? Rob Drake did, and he used it to tell the world that if Donald Trump got impeached he’d buy an AR-15 and I guess shoot people for the dumbest fucking president (do not argue with me on this one) since Andrew Jackson.
Also Rob’s bad at his job. If being politically repugnant and standoffish wasn’t enough, Drake calls a shitty game too. He had five games last year where he didn’t break 90% and two where he hit 95% (CB Bucknor had 4 such games). Drake doesn’t eject too often, but let me tell you the one he did in 2022 was wrong by rule interpretation.
I wouldn’t trust Rob Drake with a baby or a gun.
Crew D: Larry Vanover (Crew Chief), Chris Guccione, David Rackley, Edwin Moscoso
Fucking Larry Vanover, 67 years old and still out there pissing the world off. Just this year he booted a pitch clock violation, and we’re not even a few years removed from this damning interview Trevor Williams gave about the Reds-Pirates brawl that Larry and his then crew did a piss poor job managing.
Whatever, the real crew chief should be Chris Guccione. One of the most Italian creatures out there. The Gooch posts respectable numbers despite nearing 50. In 2014 he was measured as the most accurate ump by replay review, although those numbers have definitely paled with time (Guccione was 9 of 16 last year). What I like about Guccione is that he’s very even tempered, and I know that sounds contradictory considering he had 4 ejections last year, but all of those came during a benches clearing scrum between the Astros and Mariners. Hell, even when he loses his temper a bit he still sounds cool, like when he yelled at the Royals bench in 2019 that he didn’t have the luxury of having a monitor with the strike zone on it and that he was “working his ass off” out there, before promptly throwing out Dale Sveum.
The Gooch is cool. He volunteered time during the Little League World Series, he hosted a 13 year-old rec league umpire who watched parents brawl at the game he was doing. Look at this guy shut down Josh Donaldson’s bullshit when he tried to force Tim Anderson off the bag. The only way he could have become cooler is if he let Anderson tear Donaldson in half. He seems like an authentically good dude.
THE GOOCH IS A GOOD COP, DAMMIT.
The rest of this crew is made up of David Rackley and Edwin Moscoso. Rackley tied Hamari for 3rd place in ACC with a 94.9%, and Moscoso was top 20 at 94.6%. Moscoso is a younger ump who has yet to call a sub 90% game, he’s as steady as they come and will make ballsy calls with the game on the line–and he’s right, too. Both guys racked up 2 ejections and both finished on the positive side in replay challenges, with Moscoso sporting a 73.3 Upheld%. Honestly if it weren’t for Vanover this might be the best crew in MLB.
Crew E: Paul Emmel (Crew Chief), Chad Fairchild, Nic Lentz, Jeremie Rehak
This is probably your best or second best group of plate callers if you like strikezone rigidity. Only crew chief Paul Emmel is the weak link here and he’s old and has shitty knees. I don’t mean that as an insult, Emmel had to have part of his tibia sawed away to relieve pressure on his knees, which makes his 93.5% ACC pretty respectable all things considered. I initially wanted to give Emmel a bad cop rating for a blown call that resulted in a Mickey Callaway ejection a few years back, but found that he spends his free time running a charity and delivering groceries in the offseason. So he has a heart of gold somewhere.
Chad Fairchild is on here after horrendous 2020 and 2021 seasons that saw him in the 29th percentile. The Hardball Times ranked him as having one of the tightest zones in 2012, so maybe he was calling it a bit too tight at times. He turned things around last season ranking in the 78th percentile and cracking 94% for the first time in his career. In August he was one call away from calling a perfecto between the Guardians and the White Sox. He also showed a very humane moment when he owned up to missing a pitch from Chris Bassitt in-between innings.
Nic Lentz is another solid ump who was challenged only 12 times last season and finished 1.5 points higher than his xACC. The real star of this crew is the young Jeremie Rehak, who basically forced the MLBUA to make room for him in their cartel with his stellar plate work. Since getting his first taste of action in 2018, Rehak is currently in the 95th percentile in umps. Last year he finished 2nd in the league with a 95.2% mark, and for his career has called two near-perfectos. The only bummer is that his first taste of postseason work saw him post a subpar 93.4% between the Yankees and Guardians, so you can imagine what the gurgling sloths in the Bronx think of him.
Crew F: Mark Wegner (Crew Chief), Bruce Dreckman, Stu Scheurwater, Malachi Moore
I feel for Mark Wegner. Here’s the veteran with a rag-tag group of misfits and rookies. Wegner was, before Statcast, one of the best plate umpires in the game. He’s also one of the youngest guys to get crew chief when he got promoted in 2018 at the age of 45. Prior to his appointment he was famously known for this Lou Pinniella tirade and Hawk Harrelson losing his shit after Wegner tossed Jose Quintana for VERY SUSPICIOUSLY throwing behind a batter.
The 51 year-old Wegner is about the only one I trust, as he’s got veteran Bruce Dreckman on the crew. Bruce had an aberration in 2019 when he finished in the 80th percentile with a 93.7% mark, but other than that he is routinely in the bottom third of plate guys. What he does have working for him is his excellent field work, which saw him challenged only 11 times and overturned twice. Dreckman had one ejection last year, fellow Cardinals fans, and…well, you all remember it.
Stu Scheurwater is probably the 2nd most dependable official on this list behind Wegner. Scheurwater was a middle of the road to above average ump until 2021, where he’s been lagging recently. Good news for him is that he started his 2023 campaign off with a 98.5%. Stu’s field work by challenges is solid, but he did kick this call in 2021 that saw retired Man of Stone Ted Barrett have to eject Craig Counsell after some consulting to correct his wrong.
Malachi Moore is the newcomer and disappointed in 2022. His pitch-calling wasn’t good and he didn’t fare well in the challenge department. However he’s young, and just like a lot of guys, he’s probably going to get a lot better at this level.
Crew G: Alfonso Marquez (Crew Chief), Doug Eddings, Lance Barrett, Ramon DeJesus
Jesus Christ it’s Doug Eddings, lol.
I’m not gonna spend much on Marquez. He’s fine, that’s all you need to know. His zone is fine, his field work is fine. I had him slated as a good cop but then remember this completely bonkers series of ejections last year in Toronto and decided to bump him down one peg.
But Doug Eddings. You know he’s here and I want you to know I don’t think Doug is a bad umpire because of branding, I think he’s just genuinely bad. And Doug Eddings, if you’re reading this, this is not an insult. Again, someone has to be near the bottom at something, it doesn’t take away from the fact that you were one pitch from calling a perfecto in May of last year. One goddamn pitch and you would have done something before Pat Hoberg. Every doug has its day.
Then again, Eddings has had some questionable lapses just like the rest of us. I relate a lot to that, I’ve been there and I’m not even having tens of thousands of people scream at me with millions more on the internet telling me to eat shit. Doug made that goofy call between the Cards and Cubs that resulted in Bill Miller running Mike Shildt, he also called a game so badly in Toronto that Blue Jays hitting coach Guillermo Martinez got ejected delivering the lineup cards the next day–to Doug’s credit, he seemed to take it on the chin as it was crewmate Lance Barrett who tossed Martinez.
Doug Doug, what are we going to do with you?
His buddy Lance Barrett could ask that very same question. Barrett had one good season in 2019 but has been bottom-tiered every other year. When you’re struggling like that you sometimes throw a lot of people out, which is what Barrett did when he tossed 5 guys last season.
Oh but what did we say earlier? Every dog has their day. And on October 3rd between the White Sox and Twins Barrett called 116 of 117 pitches correctly for a near-perfecto.
Ramon DeJesus is on here as a bad cop despite his good Upheld% because he really disappointed last year behind the plate. He didn’t eject anyone, which is already great compared to his partner Barrett, but DeJesus went from the 94th percentile in 2019 to 35th in 2021 and 2022. What happened, man?
Crew H: Dan Iassogna (Crew Chief), Scott Barry, Gabe Morales, Adam Beck
Dan Iassogna is a bizarre choice for crew chief, but he has been doing it forever. That’s about all I can say. It’s hard for me to discern if he knows the rules like the time he threw out Dave Martinez for his correct gripe on this obstruction call–the call wasn’t made by Dan but his third base guy John Bacon, but you’d imagine someone with all this seniority and knowledge could help fix this, right? Danny also threw Pablo Lopez out after he ran a heater in on Ronald Acuna Jr. and plunked him. Marlins pitchers had made a habit of working Acuna Jr. inside his entire career, but c’mon, Dan.
As a strike-caller he’s always been below average. Last year he was fourth in total missed pitches, and his 92.9% showed it. Now, typically I don’t gripe at an ump who’s right about 93% of the time, but this is a guide (slop) for you (hog). To Danny Lasagna’s credit, he started the Statcast Era calling pitches below 90%, so improving by 3 points accounts for missing 3 or 4 fewer calls behind the dish.
Oh and because we love Cardinals trauma on this site, here’s him missing this Adam Cimber pitch by about a timezone.
His crew consists of Scott Barry, whom I remember being at the game when he got a concussion. Scott’s platework was below average until last season when he broke the 94 barrier and with it a spot in the 61st percentile. One of his partners is Gabe Morales who gets bad cop points for his poor field work. Morales made that controversial NLDS check-swing call that is by rulebook correct, but by human eyes not. Adam Beck rounds out this crew and is maybe the most competent of them all, the problem is when we look at his ejections we find that when misses he sometimes misses baaaaaad.
Crew I: Mark Carlson (Crew Chief), Jordan Baker, Tripp Gibson, Brennan Miller
Mark Carlson is one hundred percent a by-the-book cop. Is he a good cop? I think so. For an older ump his strikezone is league average, which is good by crew chief standards these days. He was challenged 18 times and won 13 of them. Not many abuses of the badge here by Carlson, hell he might help an old lady across the street instead of shooting her dog. Mark Carlson’s the kind of good cop that doesn’t have a wife that conveniently falls down the stairs.
Carlson’s ejections last year stemmed from a hit by pitch ejection at the start of the season. After that he didn’t have to exercise any use of force.
His crew has Jordan Baker, the largest ump in the game at six foot a-thousand. Baker didn’t fare well in the field but he made it through all of 2022 without running anyone–no doubt influenced by how much of a mountain he is–and only had 2 the year before. He over performed his xACC by a full percentage point, which is pretty impressive for a guy his size to squat low enough to see the zone and call games at a 94.3% clip. He had one god-awful game in Atlanta, but he also was two pitches away from a perfecto in July. You take what you can get these days from umpires, man.
Tripp Gibson is on this crew and I want you to know you can trust Tripp with your life. His name is even cool. He’s also young and incredibly accurate behind the dish–and has been for some time. He called a no-hitter and threw out Aaron Boone last season, what’s not to like! He’s really good in the field, if I had to dock him it’s that his ejections are usually because he missed a pitch.
A quick aside on that if you’ve made it this far. I really fucking hate when people say stupid, and I really mean STUPID shit like the ump is making the game about them. Stop saying that, seriously. Angel Hernandez or Joe West will make the game about them. Dan Bellino did so last year with MadBum, but dumb shit like, “Hurrrrrr Tripp Gibson missed a pitch by an inch from the hollow of the knee he’s making it about him I have the mind of a dementia riddled dog.” Let’s dismiss this by pointing out THEY DON’T HAVE THE BOX ON TV IN FRONT OF THEM and that THEY DON’T KNOW THEY MISSED THE CALL.
This is a very solid and dependable crew, with the only weak link being Brennan Miller, whose zone is meh. Miller was a call-up a few years ago, and you know him as the recipient of Aaron Boone’s “SAVAGES IN THE BOX” masterpiece. His 93.2% isn’t because of some disaster games, it’s just that his mean tends to be around that. He’s called 44 games behind the plate so far, he’s never had a game above 96.6%, and he’s only had 4 below 91.5%. I’d trust Miller to call an alright game, but I’d be surprised if he did better than that.
Crew J: Laz Diaz (Crew Chief), Andy Fletcher, Mike Estabrook, Erich Bacchus
Ugh, what do I say about Laz Diaz, man? I wish he were younger, it’s hard not to like Laz when he’s not behind the plate. And if those legs were younger Laz would probably have a pretty good strikezone, which he doesn’t. It’s bad and awful. People bitch about it all the time online and I get it, but he’s a silly old man who doesn’t have a propensity for conflict. He’s a goofus, a marine if you’re all pro-troops and the son of Cuban emigres if you’re really into American imperialism.
Yet he’s a bad cop because he calls some shitty games a lot of the time, and while challenged rarely he loses most of them. Listen, Laz if you’re reading this, I’d trust you but no one is going to be happy seeing you behind the plate, except maybe the pitcher.
With that said, don’t expect any ejections from this crew. They totaled up to 1 all of last year. Which is kind of incredible because they have two bad plate-callers in Diaz and Fletcher, one decent one in Bacchus, and I guess a reformed hot-head in Mike Estabrook.
Fletcher went from a scissors stance to a conventional one partway through the season. His numbers improved but he was bottom of the list for most of the year until CB Bucknor decided he had to win something. Bacchus calls a good game, but you’ll probably remember him from getting a pep-talk ejection from David Ross–not the manager you’d want to fuck with, because Rossy actually knows the rules–and Estabrook…man.
Mike Estabrook, like, four years ago threw out 13 people. Thirteen. That’s…insane. He threw out Trea Turner, he threw out Vlad Guerrero Jr., he got in a very animated shouting match with Craig Counsell, this son of a bitch threw out his own grandmother! Esta was unhinged for all of 2019, but he’s really mellowed out since then. His 55 plate games since then have produced a 93.8% and a consistency that ranks him above average (56th percentile). More importantly he didn’t throw anyone out last season, and only 3 since that 2019 shooting gallery.
Just a couple days ago he posted his best game of his career with a 98.2% performance in Pittsburgh. This cop might be reformed after all (take that, anarchists), but I’m gonna wait awhile before declaring him a good one.
Crew K: Ron Kulpa (Crew Chief), Cory Blaser, Carlos Torres, Jansen Visconti
Oh I get it, Crew K for Kulpa, har-har very funny. I hate Ron Kulpa.
I really do. Not because he’s a poor strike-caller, or that his Upheld% was 22.2, but that it’s Ron Kulpa. My umpire mentor met him, and you know how he introduced himself?
“Ron Kulpa, major league umpire.” What kind of human being does that? I asked him if this was at a game and he told me no it wasn’t, but a dinner right around the end of pro-school.
I guess I shouldn’t shit on him as much. Dale Scott gave an interview on Jomboy talking about coming out gay to his crewmates, and Kulpa was supportive. I can’t get over the game though, you know the game, where Kulpa tossed AJ Hinch and told the Astros bench he could do whatever he wanted. Just a brazen abuse of the badge, man.
He’s got normal cops in Cory Blaser and Carlos Torres. Blaser was very trigger-happy last year, but calls a good game and is just below average on challenges. Carlos Torres does great work in the field, was average behind the dish, and in his two plate starts this season posted back-to-back 97+ games.
The best cop on this squad and maybe the entire damn force is Jansen Visconti. Look at this fucking meatball, folks.
He would totally be a ride-or-die in Tony’s gang. He’d have taken that bullet for Sil, I’m tellin’ you. Phil’s goons wouldn’t have gotten within ten feet of Bobby Bacala. He’s just and fair, mind you. He’s been in the 94th percentile since debuting in 2018 with a 94.5% mark. He was the #1 umpire in 2019 with a 95.2%, he’s had five games at 98% or more. You should always feel safe with this cop around.
Crew L: Marvin Hudson (Crew Chief), Hunter Wendelstedt, John Tumpane, Ryan Blakney
There’s few crew chiefs who earned their take. I mentioned a couple of them so far, but Marvin Hudson is the truest blue on this force. He is the goodest of the older cops. At 59 years old he’s still calling games at a 94% clip, he’s also slow to anger too, ejecting no one last season and only one in 2021. He cares about his crew’s safety, like when he made partner John Tumpane leave a game after taking two foul balls off the mask.
Hud’s took some licks in the field, but he has the smoke-on-the-honeybees effect in the same way as the recently retired Ted Barrett. Ted was one of the best calming forces to have in a baseball game, even if he was a total sieve with his K-zone. He commanded respect and was given it, the same with Hudson. This is a pretty decent crew, except for…
Hunter Wendelstedt. Hunter has been knocking at the door of crew chiefdom for awhile but can’t seem to get in. His dad, Harry Wendelstedt, was a legendary ump who founded an umpire school that now bears Hunter’s name.
Hunter has done a World Series, four LCS and LDS, and two Wild Cards. He’s probably in line to get a World Series run this season, and frankly I’m not into the seniority of it. Hunter is great in the field but his strike zone is immensely frustrating. Last season, I thought he had turned a corner when he posted a 96.1% on Opening Day, but he regressed back to what he’s always been, a middling to below average strike-caller (at least among his peers).
Luckily this crew has two decent cops. Ryan Blakney hasn’t shot anyone’s dog yet, although he made headlines like this stupid one from USA Today for throwing out Brandon Crawford for arguing a check-swing earlier. This crew also has John Tumpane, easily one of the top 5 cops on this whole damn force.
Tumpane calls balks, which I like, and he’s only wrong when David Ross challenges him because David Ross is the smartest manager in the game–I do not mean that sarcastically. Tumpane had a 73.7 Upheld%, and he has been one of the premier umpires in the league. I love John Tumpane, I will stan him until the end of time. He saved a woman from killing herself when he was in Pittsburgh, literally doing what a good cop should–most cops would have pushed her off the bridge and blamed a black guy for it. He called a near perfecto in Baltimore last year and five days later came to St. Louis and dropped 98%. Absolute gigaChad.
He’s hated by renowned asshole Josh Donaldson, who said he’s one of the worst umps in the game because he lacks the ability to read. He called 100 balks on noted MAGA chud Richard Bleier last year. Noted dork Rob Friedman (Pitching Ninja) loves his strikeout mechanic, I love his regular mechanics, and he has great hair. The goodest of good cops, the force doesn’t deserve him.
Crew M: Lance Barksdale (Crew Chief), Ed Hickox, Will Little, Ryan Additon
Lance Barksdale has earned every bit of the crew chief role. He has been one of the best umpires in the league for a long while now. He’s one of the most accurate and consistent umps behind the dish. He’s great in the field and with his temper. The only blemish you could fault him for were these missed calls in the 2019 World Series, where he still posted a 94.4%. Lance is great, you have nothing to worry about when he’s out there, he’s like the real Jay Landsman.
Now I wish I could say the same for the rest of his crew.
Ed Hickox is back. Ed is not good, but that’s fine he doesn’t make a spectacle of it. Cards fans remember him for nearly dying in the heat last year when we played the Yankees. Ed has had concussion problems, so much he filed suit against Wilson. It’s a damn shame he was left in to finish that game, he was clearly hurt. If you want to know more about Hickox’s ability, he’s been in the game since 1990 and has never worked a playoff series beyond an LDS. Ed starts the season on the IL from surgery, so a AAA fill-in (or fill-ins) will be taking his spot until he returns.
Will Little is a phenomenal umpire behind the plate. But he’s a prick. One of my mentors told me that when Little visited their school he gave them this simple bit of sage advice: Be a prick.
And Will Little is a prick. He’s a good one. He’s been in the 90th percentile since getting a full-time position in 2015. He had four ejections last year and had this weird interaction with Nestor Cortes that got some air time.
Ryan Additon is on here and frankly his numbers just need to be better behind the plate. He also threw-out King Oli.
Crew N: James Hoye (Crew Chief), Angel Hernandez, DJ Reyburn, John Libka
James Hoye is starting to get old, because his zone last year wasn’t up to his standard. Nevertheless he deserves the crew chief role, he is a good cop, although he was challenged a lot last season he nearly kept it league average. Hoye is a good egg for having the balls to call this HBP a ball after Aledmys Diaz leaned into a pitch. He’s got stones, my dudes.
Hoye is probably the second best strike-caller on this team as it employs DJ Reyburn, who went from pretty good (2015-2021) to pretty bad. His 93.3% put him in the 27th percentile last season, punctuated by a patented Aaron Boone blowup where Reyburn did his best to ignore an incensed Boone.
Of course I’m beating around the bush, this crew has Angel Hernandez, the most infamous umpire in the league. I want to offer a slight defense of Angel, who I think is a genuinely good dude but just can’t help himself during games. There are tons of fan videos of him interacting with fans kindly, whether it’s smiling and waving as he leaves the game in his SUV, down the tunnel, or handing out baseballs to kids. I know it’s hard to separate the man from his job here.
With that said, we know Angel is bad. The botched replay review, the time he had, like, three calls overturned in a playoff game, Kyle Schwarber blowing up on him in a nationally televised game. Being a bad umpire is Angel’s brand, it’s like being an outlaw for him and guys like him. I hate it, because I know Angel can do better than this.
I’m a SJW too, I’m all about injustices being brought to light, so it really sucks that when Angel brought his suit against MLB it got dismissed because he’s genuinely bad at his job. I wouldn’t doubt there’s discrimination with MLB and the umpires, but Angel isn’t the guy to bring that system down.
This crew has John Libka who I love. He got a lot of attention when he nearly called a perfecto a couple seasons ago between the Rockies and Cards. Cardinal fans don’t remember him for that, but for laughing and punking Nolan Arenado last season and throwing him out. It really sucks that Arenado had to leave the next day for the birth of his kid, because Libka was the third base ump. Likba’s check-swing strike didn’t pass the eye test, and while legally protected by the vagueness of what constitutes a check swing by OBR standards, he missed that call. He also had a near freakout in Arizona when he came from behind the plate to yell at Zac Gallen. Young umps reading this, don’t do that. Don’t come from behind the plate unless you’re throwing someone out.
But other than that Libka is great in the field and exceptional behind the plate. He’s like the Martin Riggs of cops, minus the anti-Semitism.
Crew O: Adrian Johnson (Crew Chief), Manny Gonzalez, Quinn Wolcott, Junior Valentine
I don’t have much to say about Adrian Johnson. He racked up a ton of ejections last season because he was the chief during the Angels-Mariners brawl. His strike zone has always been terrible, but he doesn’t run a lot of guys, and he lost most of his challenges last year. I wish I knew more about the guy to dictate why he’s a crew chief.
Manny Gonzalez was a good cop but I demoted him. His ejection numbers have gone up when he used to be one of the most chilled umpires in the game. He’s had some bad ones and truly bizarre tosses. His zone is fine and consistent, but his field work is meh.
Quinn Wolcott and Junior Valentine are the stars of this crew. Wolcott attended umpire school when he was 19 (lol), imagine a kid wanting to be a cop, oh wait!
Wolcott is a top echelon umpire. His field numbers are incredible, in fact he was the best all of last year in Upheld%, and his K-zone is always top notch. My umpiring mentor has met Quinn before when he attended school, in fact he said Quinn was an evaluator. Told me he was a nice guy, I can buy that, even though he’s a DORK SERIOUSLY WHO WANTS TO BE A DIAMOND COP AT 19.
Junior Valentine strikes me as a Jesse Plemons supporting character before they’re inevitably killed off in some horrific unexpected way, like getting trampled by a horse or something. Valentine’s field work could use some improvement, but he may still be feeling the effects of getting hit in the fucking face by an errant Edmundo Sosa throw. Regardless, didn’t throw a single guy out and posted a 94.2% ACC, I’d trust this crew–barring Johnson–with a tight game.
Crew P: Dan Bellino (Crew Chief), Phil Cuzzi, Mark Ripperger, Shane Livensparger
Oh this is a top three crew, really solid and dynamic. Also Dan Bellino is the crew chief.
You know him. He rubbed Madison Bumgarner’s hand and goaded him into an ejection. He also told Josh Donaldson to “get the fuck out of here” when he showed him up on a home run. The last one is cool–seriously, screw Josh Donaldson–but the first one is some abuse of power shit. Bellino was doing it in defense of call-up ump Jeremy Riggs, but c’mon dude.
I’ve gotten into some pretty bad spats with coaches, even at the Legion and high school level. I’ve never thrown any of them out, because the minute I lose my cool and start yelling, any extrajudicial discipline barring swearing and personal insults makes me look like a baby.
Dan Bellino, you look like a baby.
Bellino is also a lawyer and has a law firm. So you figure he’d be harder to annoy than that. Regardless, he posted his best season numbers behind the dish with a 94.8% ACC. He nearly called a perfecto in a 165 pitch performance between the Angels and White Sox. He won over 68% of his challenges in the field too, so he gets bad cop points just because he seems like an asshole.
This crew has Phil Cuzzi, who if you asked an AI to create the most Italian person imaginable it’d just flash Cuzzi’s face. Cuzzi is a decent ump in terms of veternancy, and he’s improved from having one of the most porous zones in the game to…well, it’s still kind of wide but he’s at least league average. Honestly Cuzzi is the worst ump in this bunch and that should serve as a compliment. Phil only had 2 ejections last season, but baseball fans are going to remember him for tossing Brett Gardner for banging on the dugout roof with his bat.
Mark Ripperger and Shane Livensparger are essentially the same creature. Both were really good at the plate last season, both are dependable in the field. The only thing I can sit here and make fun of is this check-swing goof that Livensparger had last year with Tom Haillon. Comedic gold.
Crew Q: Todd Tichenor (Crew Chief), Brian Knight, Tony Randazzo, Alex Tosi
Todd Tichenor is fine. I like him because he’s built like a PE teacher, so I get Jedd Gyorko vibes when I see him. He’s posted a 92.8% since 2015 and had a near perfecto in 2021 when he went 107 for 108. He won 70% of his challenges, but Tich is mainly known for pissing off the Yankees and Aaron Boone, like this 2021 ejection.
Tichenor had three ejections last season, and one in both ‘21 and ‘20. He is pretty even tempered for the most part, and strikes me as the most boring kind of dependable ump. He’s just a guy, if he does your game don’t worry.
He has the reformed Brian Knight who, like a lot of umps, has a history of concussion problems. Brian hung around for 29 games though, and turned in an exceptional performance after being one of the worst ball-strike callers in recent years. His 94.7% ACC was almost a full point better than his xACC. He was very good behind the plate and on the field.
Tony Randazzo missed all of 2022. I couldn’t find out why, although I wouldn’t doubt if it was injury related–Randazzo has a history of concussions and had neck surgery in 2008. Randazzo has a history of some power-trips as well, and his career zone has been very…meh to say the least.
Newcomer Alex Tosi is a good cop though. Give him a gold star, promote this man to homicide. No more call-ups, he’s in the Show for good and there’s reason to be excited when he posts a 94.7% ACC and wins 64% of his challenges. Also helps that his one ejection was also correct and it came at Rocco Baldelli’s expense.
Crew R: Alan Porter (Crew Chief), Jim Wolf, Mike Muchlinski, Sean Barber
I’m a big Alan Porter fan. Great zone, great build, excellent range of motion and mechanics. His zone accuracy dipped last season and he was still good at 94.3% (his ACC in 2021 was 95.1%). He lost more than won in the field, but hey we can’t all beat the replay goons. He’s approachable too, he even came on in the 2019 Little League World Series to get some work.
But I have Porter down as a meh cop because he throws out a lot of guys, and every year. I’m not saying they’re not all justified, but still you’ve read over 7,000 words on guys who throw dudes out less than Porter, crew chiefs like Mark Wegner and Marvin Hudson. So what gives?
Jim Wolf is on this crew and while he doesn’t post eye-popping rates behind the dish, he has a streak of games of at least 90% that’s stretched to 64 games. Wolf had knee surgery a couple seasons ago, but he’s the ultimate Zen master for the game, having not thrown a guy out since 2019. Yes, going on four years. He also did a really good interview with Chris Rose.
Mike Muchlinski and Sean Barber round this out. Iron Mike got a World Series nod a couple years ago and was good in that game. He’s fairly pedestrian behind the plate but good in the field. Sean Barber is the opposite, he called a 94.3% for 2022 but had the worst Upheld% among all umpires at 18.2%.
Crew S: Chris Conroy (Crew Chief), Brian O’Nora, Pat Hoberg, Nestor Ceja
This will be one of the best crews out there as well. Chris Conroy is a ginormous fucking stoic stone statue. He’s 6’4” and built, and at 48 he gets crew chief honors. Good for him, he’s even-tempered and calming, with the most bombastic of his ejections coming when he correctly called runner’s lane interference on Trea Turner in 2021. Well, he did have this ejection of David Ross who correctly pointed out that Conroy’s crew didn’t convene on a HBP. Despite all this he has normal numbers posting a 93.6% ACC, but his xACC was 92.9, meaning he called more tough pitches around the edges than his colleagues.
This crew is like Laz Diaz’s crew except they’re all fairly good except for Brian O’Nora. O’Nora is one of the lowest scoring umpires behind the plate, however he’s dependable in the field and didn’t throw anyone out last season. You could say the same for Nestor Ceja, who was a little better at balls and strikes.
But you don’t care about those names, you want to hear about Pat Hoberg. I’m so tired of his celebrity status, cops should be agents who serve the public’s interests and not that of capital owners who seek to keep the working class obedient.
Whatever, Pat Hoberg is that mf as the kids would say. You already know this. He was the best ball-strike caller last year at 95.5%, he’s already posted back-to-back 98% games this year. Since 2015 his career accuracy is 94%, putting him in the 88th percentile–impressive, considering that umps that are ahead of him started after 2015 when this kind of technology began being utilized more in pitch assessment. Hoberg has one near perfecto that he got in last April, when he missed the first pitch of the game and was lights out after that. Oh wait, I’m getting a report that he did the unthinkable and actually called the only perfect game in the Statcast Era, and he did it during Game 2 of the World Series.
Ian Happ told a story about how he thought Pat missed a pitch on him, only to learn it just caught the zone and how Pat told him the next day he was happy he got it. You see, Pat Hoberg cares about his job and understands that bad calls affect these guys. Pat Hoberg is the ultimate good cop, if these umpires were animals he’d be a big lovable Golden Retriever.
Pat doesn’t miss in the field either. And he doesn’t eject guys often. He didn’t throw a single guy out in 2022, and when he throws dudes out it’s majestic. He emasculated Justin Verlander when he dared question his zone, after Brian Knight left with a concussion Big Dick Pat came in and called a balk on Jonny Lasagna that drew the ire of Aaron Boone, and because Aaron Boone doesn’t know fuck all about the rules he threw his blubbering ass out.
You don’t ever fuck with God or Pat Hoberg, but mainly Pat Hoberg.
Okay so now you know everything about theses crews, so shut up about umpires okay?
Or don’t, it’s your time–waste it however you see fit.
Umpiring at the MLB level has changed drastically with the onset of technology, which has essentially democratized criticism of their job. I want you to know, when you lose your mind and tweet about Laz Diaz missing a 1-0 slider, or Chris Guccione needing super slow-mo instant replay to overturn a bang-bang play at first, you drastically lack the temerity and the mental firepower to assess how difficult it is to do so. Pitch trackers like ABS will eventually supplant the role of a home plate umpire. Merely being within a couple inches of a painted pitch is a miracle in itself, and really a testament to limitless potential of the human eye.
I spent over 8,000 words to hopefully make you a more informed fan of the game, and that maybe by doing so you’ll appreciate a job that you can’t even do better than me–an idiot mind you. You have the tools to maintain a more rounded and nuanced view of the sport. You can now appreciate a well-called game behind the dish more, or one that doesn’t feature any challenges or ejections, games that melt away as smoothly and quickly as butter leaving you time to seek fulfillment and validation outside your digital sepsis. This is now all at your disposal, information that doesn’t come directly from interns at Jomboy or jaded sports writers and bloggers–like me–or god forbid the smoothest of brains at Barstool.
Do with it what you want.
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