By Tom

---

I like video games that don’t force you to kill everyone, especially violent ones. We’ve all done a version of this before, where we attempt to break a game. In the before-’fore times it was discovering cheat codes that could drastically change what you were playing–Big Head mode, insta-deaths, god mode, etc. Nowadays there’s a challenge video for every occasion. 

I watched one on The Last of Us Part II where the streamer didn’t kill a single person outside of QTEs and cutscenes and thought that was the raddest shit. Games like TLOU garner a lot of critical praise and audience hate, mainly because they check off the boxes for what critics tend to like which is semi-competent gameplay, stunning graphics, and a little story. The parts that people hate are usually political because gamers hate it when women and trans people do things that men already do. I thought the story was fine, the gameplay was masterful–the accessibility options Naughty Dog created for players almost made up for the intense labor abuses they conducted against their staff…almost, comrades. But there was something that bugged me about the gameplay that I couldn’t quite shake; the game was designed as an action-stealth horror with survival mechanics in a post-apocalyptic United States. You run, you hide, you slip behind enemies, you craft smoke bombs from sugar and scrounge up whatever shotgun shells you can. 

It’s pretty simple and I like that. It’s not overly saturated with lootable containers and boxes that would take too much time to strip, it always keeps the pace moving with its gameplay and that’s good. Games should be fun, or at least not boring. But even with all these mechanics, and a story written as a condemnation of retributive violence, you do so much killing in it. A lot of areas seemed almost designed for you, the player, to butcher people in gruesome ways. There is a scene in the game where, SPOILER ALERT, your character kills a pregnant woman. After learning she is–was–pregnant, your character’s PTSD finally triggers a breakdown. But I just murdered dozens and dozens of NPCs up to that point, who may have been pregnant or had kids or friends blah blah. Each NPC has names that get called out whenever you decapitate them with a shotgun; Naughty Dog also took the time to give the attack dogs in the game names too. Like, what the fuck am I supposed to feel by this point? It’s certainly not grief or shame, the character I’m playing is a piece of shit and now she wants to feel bad about killing someone?

A couple months ago I was working in St. Louis and took my PS4. I decided to replay TLOU Part II and focused on not killing everyone. I still killed a lot of people in the game, but I found that the experience was more intense, challenging, and rewarding to engage with the game in a manner that most people probably wouldn’t at first. I ran, hid, and snuck around patrols and meandering sentries. There’s a level where you have to infiltrate a hospital and there’s a ton of fleshy bags of destruction waiting to be eviscerated, but I managed to sneak through and not kill a single one. I felt really accomplished for that, more so than when I made a bunch of explosive arrows and fired them into a crowd of religious zealots. 

I thought a game that did this right was the Metro series. If you haven’t played Metro I’d recommend it. Just like TLOU it’s a post-apocalyptic game that emphasizes stealth and resource management. They’re horror and action elements to it, but one thing Metro has built into it is a karma system that rewards you for your gameplay. Go through the game murdering everyone, welp buddy you’re going to get the violent and dark ending. The game throws scores of human NPCs in your path, and the game takes place mostly in the tight confines of the Moscow Metro, so going around them is not an option. It really is a challenge to remain unseen and not trigger a violent shootout.

I really like having that option in games. I’m replaying the new Wolfenstein games and that options not in there, but killing Nazis is fun and American. You’ll find the same mindless savagery in any Battlefield or Call of Duty game. It’s kinda cool when a developer pauses and says, “Wait a minute, what if the player doesn’t want to kill everyone in the room?”

The Tyler O’Neill Blues

During the offseason, the Boys and I did a Top 10 positional series to kill some time. We devoted most of our LF discourse to how godly Tyler O’Neill was because he absolutely was the best LF in 2021. I believe the words we used were, uh, this is Tyler O’Neill’s world and we’re just living in it, also probably eat shit and die everyone else.

And WHOO BOY what a disaster this has been. Not just for O’Neill but LF in general. I had him and Jesse Winker as my 1 and 2, and both of them have pissed and shatted themselves. In fact my preseason Top LF list is an unmitigated disaster aside from Randy Arozarena. 

Then again, outfielders play all over the place, so maybe this offseason we’ll do like a top 20 for all OFs instead of positionally. If you look at players who’ve played at least 500 innings this season in LF, you’ll find only 21 of them have and they all fucking suck. Okay not all of them, but I have to pick from a group that has: Brandon Marsh, David Peralta, Joey Gallo, Steven Kwan, Jurickson Profar, AJ Pollock, etc, etc. Sure there’s an Austin Hays or Andrew Benintendi in there, but c’mon these fuckers ain’t even cracking open a book let alone a top 20 or 30 list.

Left field is an abyss and should be closed off. Make Nolan Arenado play it, he can cover everywhere.

O’Neill is a league average hitter, and that’s the best thing about his bad season so far. I’ve expressed this concern before on the podcast that O’Neill is a feast or famine player, and that getting seasons like these are very possible, but honestly I figured his “regression” from last year would still net 20 homers and maybe a .780 to .810 OPS. Not this season though, our beloved Greek god is struggling everywhere, including defense.

O’Neill was carrying a 1.2 WAR through 96 games before hitting the IL again, this time for a strained left hamstring. Last year he demolished the league in less than 140 games, this year we’ll be lucky if he plays in the postseason let alone 100 games. He’s been about as league average as you can get for a major league hitter, posting a 100 wRC+ and a 101 OPS+. He hasn’t been a chasm, but BRO’Neill going from a .912 OPS to a .700 OPS was not what we, or a lot of experts, were expecting.

He’s been battered all season and went through a lengthy arbitration process that saw the ownership low-ball him for his worth. Even with his struggles this season O’Neill is worth way more than the $3.4 million the Cards are paying him. O’Neill’s admitted that the arbitration process was on his mind and maybe distracted him, which I’m sure the DeWitts love because they’ll probably pay him in fucking Arby’s horseradish sauce next year.

O’Neill’s metrics show some signs of concern. The good that it shows is that he’s striking out less than he has in his career at 26.9%, he’s also walking 9.9% of his at-bats, above the league average. He also has 14 stolen bases, 1 away from his career high that he set last year. 

But there’s plenty to be concerned about. Last year O’Neill had a monstrous 93.8 mph average exit velocity on batted balls. Over half the balls he put into play in 2021 were Hard Hit–that’s exit velocities of 95+ mph–and nearly a third of the balls he hit were fly balls. This season, his exit velocity is down to 89.8 mph, his HardHit% 43.5, and a quarter of his balls in play are fly balls. O’Neill is pulling the ball more and hitting more groundballs as well, and while grounders carry a high expected batting average, they usually don’t go for extra base-hits. 

And there’s a lot of bad luck to go around too. O’Neill’s career BABIP entering this season was .338, but this season it’s down to .277–and keep in mind, BABIP is on balls that aren’t strikeouts or home runs, and Tyler is putting more balls in play this season. If you like nerd shit like I do, you’ll be happy to know that based on the balls he’s hit and how hard he hits them, O’Neill’s xBA is .240, along with xSLG of .423. Aside from underperforming, our Adonis is really stricken by some bad luck.

Now it’s worth pointing out that O’Neill’s metrics are still better than league average. His average exit velocity is in the 67th percentile, his HardHit% 68th, and his Barrel % 79th. Offense in general is down league wide, we can chalk this up to the juiced balls as much as we want, but it is sort of alarming that O’Neill would be affected this much. Last season, the average OPS for a LF was .734, this year it’s .724. O’Neill is not a league average hitter.

Ron Desantis is a dangerous lunatic

This past week, Florida Governor Ronald DeSantis, unfortunately did not die, but instead did 4chan levels of chess trolling on the Democrats by…lying to 50 migrants and sending them to Martha’s Vineyard with no support at all. Fun.

DeSantis is utilizing Florida’s sanctuary law, a law that has $12 million set aside in tax-payer money, to transport undocumented immigrants to “sanctuary destinations.” It’s a political stunt, how cool. Republicans have long championed the free market and capitalism, but hate it when people come here to try and help that capitalism. Why, it’s almost like it’s something else cooking in their old noggins. 

Early reports state the migrants are mostly from Venezuela, and had begun their trek in the GOP’s latest terror scheme from San Antonio. After making a pit-stop in Florida they were informed they would be going to Boston, only to be given the classic mid-flight sike we’re going somewhere else! 

Florida’s reason is that they can’t take care of all these migrants. Well it’s not that they can’t, that would be admitting that these paragons of laissez-faire capitalism aren’t as successful as Red Massachusetts or the Peoples’ Democratic Republic of Illinois, but mainly that they don’t want to take care of all these migrants. A lot of the problems in this country can be solved with money, which the federal government can, and has, made for a litany of stupid shit, but the minute we talk about nationalizing anything so people don’t die for a stock option, every teary-eyed small business owner, landlord, neolib, and brainwashed Facebook poster comes out of the woodwork to remind everyone that nice things cost money and we, the strongest nation in the world, cannot provide basic amenities to migrants let alone its very own citizens.

This level of political posturing by DeSantis and the republicans is criminal and violent. This is not a defense of Martha’s Vineyard, if DeSantis was a real #based populist, he would have sent a [redacted] there, but instead he loaded up two planes of desperate people and their kids, some who have traveled non-stop with no sleep, and sent them across the country because he and his Christian values are color-coated. What a fucking cretin.

It really is cartoon levels of evil, right? Some pundits like to use the term “the cruelty is the point” but I’m a personal fan of “they want you dead.” Luckily, the wealthy denizens of Martha’s Vineyard have set up relief for these families–and this makes me hate DeSantis more, that I’m happy there were wealthy people present to help these folk. DeSantis has made these people homeless with no support system and limiting a right every human being should have, and that’s freedom of movement. In addition to that he’s loudly lamenting the message that Florida doesn’t want you here, and that the State will remove you if they suspect you of being of another class. Immigrants and migrants help economies and commit less crime than the native born population, these facts are true and spoken ad nauseam, which means these absolute fascist ghouls don’t want them in their state and community for one reason and one reason alone.

They want you all dead.

I Like What Oli is doing

I’ve really enjoyed Oli Marmol’s first season at the helm. He’s really exuded leadership and confidence guiding this team. Oli went through the initial Cardinals baptism by fire routine, where his bullpen had 2 or 3 good arms and the team was just trying to stay above .500. These same problems cropped up last year under Shildt, who I thought got a bad rap for using what he had at the time. 

Early in the season, Oli had three consistent relievers in Gallegos, Helsley, and Genesis Cabrera–remember him? The free agent pick-ups of Nick Wittgren and Drew VerHagen didn’t pan out as expected. VerHagen got hurt and Wittgren pitched so bad we paid him $1.2 million to fuck off. Last year’s surprise trooper, T.J. McFarland was so disastrous this year he got DFA’d and opted to pitch back in Triple A–all jokes aside, I hope you figure shit out T.J. and get that bag. 

Jordan Hicks did what Jordan Hicks has done the last couple years and that’s been hurt and inconsistent. Cabrera eventually wore down and Aaron Brooks made it a month before getting designated. The opening months were an often repeated shit show. But Oli made due, and his pressures on the Front Office got some additional help not to mention the Memphis Express sending half their roster to the bigs to save this season.

Oli now has options with Andre Pallante, a real unsung hero for the season, as well as JoJo Romero, Chris Stratton, Packy Naughton–3.18 ERA as a reliever–and Zack Thompson. It’s a patch and pray job that’s worked out pretty well, even when guys like Cabrera or Gallegos struggled there was someone there to pick up the slack.

How about some numbers so you can feel smart and enlightened around everyone. You like numbers, right my little piggies?

Through May, the Cardinals bullpen ranked 17th in ERA and 29th in K/9. Since August the team’s 11th in ERA, but they still suck at striking guys out at 27th but hey it’s an improvement! Another factor to consider is workload, as the team ranked 10th in most innings pitched the first two months, but has been 21st since August. 

Bullpen management is one of many things to consider if a manager is good or not. Oli’s been pretty consistent in what he expects out of players and setting plans for them. A good recent example of this is Dakota Hudson’s brief demotion to Memphis to get himself right. Marmol stood by that Hud was going down to get himself straight for a doubleheader against Cincy and…well he stuck to it. Hudson pitched some good innings in Memphis, came back up and hurled 8 innings of 1 run ball yesterday.

Oli inherited a good team, so he doesn’t have to start from scratch like a lot of guys, but he’s maintained and, I would say, overachieved so far. He’s had good ejections too and talks a little shit. I like that.

Time for some unncessary cruelty

The Reds lost last night’s game in the most Reds fashion.

Win and wear it 😊 pic.twitter.com/vVpc5j0usC

— St. Louis Cardinals (@Cardinals) September 18, 2022

They then reminded everyone that the average fan does not read the rulebook, and that’s fine, I guess, because knowing if base running interference applies here doesn’t get you pussy.

I usually have something nice to say about the organization we’re playing on THE LORD’S DAY–Patrick Mahomes–but honestly I don’t. The Reds are owned and operated by some of the most vile septuagenarians in the Western Hemisphere. They have a long history of this particular scumbag. The current owner Bob Castellini, bought the Reds for $270 million in 2006 from Carl Lindner Jr. Sit down, because Lindner, aside from donating hundreds of thousands to Republicans and being personal friends with George W. Bush, was a controlling investor for Chiquita International, which rebranded itself from The United Fruit Company, who you might know for their business dealings with right-wing terrorists and democracy destabilization. But hold on, Carl Lindner died in 2011 but you’ll be happy to know that Chiquita was sued in 2017 for shit his company did in 1987, oh and also in 2007 Chiquita paid a $25 million fine for paying over $1.7 million to the William Rivas Front a right-wing terrorist organization operating in Colombia, they did this after the United States State Department designated this group as a terrorist-organization in 2001. 

Oh and then there’s Marge Schott, who went full girl-boss mode by outdoing the men on racism. And, content warning here, she leaned into it. She had a lawsuit filed against her and the Reds for firing an employee for knowing she was racist–she referred to outfielders Eric Davis and Dave Parker, who are black, as “million-dollar [HARD R]s”–as well as having an unwritten policy not to hire black people. She owned a Nazi armband that she got from a friend, probably fucking Hitler, who by the way, she said was initially good for Germany. She also hated Asian people and went to her dying grave–probably croaking out her favorite slurs–perplexed why people find Jap offensive. 

All of this occurred in a 18 year span where nobody bothered to make her stop until the bitter end when she finally sold her team to Lindner. That’s the Cincinnati Reds for you. When McSherry’s lifeless corpse was hauled off the field, Schotte said, “This isn’t supposed to happen to us, not in Cincinnati. This is our history, our tradition, our team.” 

And I’m here to say all of this is you, Cincinnati. Bill DeWitt owned your team at one point, fucking gross. What other dysfunctional organization has an owner who runs static for Adolf Hitler, wins a World Series, and then sells that team to a guy who payrolled Colombian terrorists? Your current owner is probably plotting another 9/11, although I doubt it will be as big of a disaster as this current Reds roster. Bob Castellini nuked a team that was in the playoff hunt in 2021, an exciting team might I add, and then turned around with his stupid-fucking son and told Reds fans tough shit.

“Well, where are you going to go? Sell the team to who?” That’s Phil Castellini’s words that prompted outrage from Reds fans. I’ll go a step further and say that the Reds have plenty of buyers, it’s just that they’re all pieces of shit with a high body count.

I haven’t even gotten around to saying fuck the Reds and making fun of their numerous team gaffes, whether that’s Thom Brennamen creating the meme of the decade with his homophobia, Nick Castellanos punking Jake Woodford only for his team to choke a wild card lead, Tommy Pham punching Joc Pederson, or that Pete Rose is a rapist who should never see the Hall while he’s alive. This organization is owned and paid for by the cruelest and dumbest parasites of public subsidization, who exist only to demean their city, fanbase, and basic human rights. I’m surprised Vladimir Putin doesn’t own this team yet. The Reds have made Cincinatti into America’s gaping asshole, and that asshole plunges straight into the demonic heart of this country. What a joke of a franchise, they should sell it to me and I’ll do what should have been done a long time ago and strap a suicide vest to Mr. Redlegs. Fuck this organization with a copy of the Emanicipation Proclamation.

First pitch is at 1:15 today, with Lucas Cessa going against Jordan Montgomery. Enjoy the game everyone!