by Tom
Josh and I hit up a demo derby yesterday. It was…something, I’ll give it that. It was at the SEMO District Fair and was on the fairgrounds where rodeos and other shit go on. If you haven’t been to one, a bunch of guys get a shitty car and supe it up, concrete barriers are thrown down and a bunch of people show up to watch cars bump into each other. Every now and then someone breaks free and will slam into another at, like, 25 or 30 mph.
You know it is kinda fun to be honest. It’s interesting. It has all the charm you’d expect from rural folk. A big fucking American flag hanging from crane–what’s more American than that–the national anthem, nachos and beer, loud shitty cars painted like mechanical wrestlers with names on the side or confederate flags. It’s a microcosm of conservative America, and I don’t mean that as a diss, because even a communist like me had fun and was intrigued.
I hate fairs with a passion. I hate the smell, I hate how packed they get. Someone’s always smoking and I hate when my nostrils getting a big whiff of smoke. There’s livestock here too, it is a celebration of regional farm royalty, so you’ll smell shit at some point. The rides are not dangerous enough, I might ride them if they were.
So when Josh scored tickets to the derby I thought it couldn’t be worse than the fair, and I wasn’t disappointed.
Joshwah didn’t have a fun time at the derby, he kept plugging his ears whenever a scrum would start and someone would shift gears and throttle their engine to the point of ruin. He’d get reprieve whenever a bumper or a radiator would shake loose and the heat would be halted so it could be removed. The drivers take it seriously, perhaps too serious but maybe there’s a charm to that. One car had its axle snapped and stalled helplessly, another car backed up and t-boned it two or three times all while the driver of the motionless car gave him the bird and took bits and pieces off his car to throw at his opponent. It was funny.
I had ideas though, because I see the overlap between the absurdity of taking a shit-box, turning it into a battering ram and professional wrestling. I have my ideas, which is that I need to build a death machine, paint it red, and put a big fucking gold hammer and sickle on it. Anything to upset these people, someone needs to roll in and play a heel. My character will be the Commie Crasher or the Tommunist, something like that. I’ll wear an ushanka and refuse to respect the national anthem. I’ll get the biggest subwoofers man can construct and blast The Internationale.
No one gives a shit about Batman movies unless there’s a good villain in it. Cape Girardeau, I can be your Jared Leto.
the boys are meh
Since the last edition of SFS the Cards split a 4 game series with the Nats and dropped the first of a 3 game series against the Pirates. They rallied last night thanks to timeless wonder Albert Pujols going 3 for 4 and hitting #696. The Birds have been outscored 36-27 and have been outhit 76-54 in that span. The runs scored is middle of the pack for the league, but the hits allowed is 3rd worst and the runs 5th.
Miles Mikolas has been having a rollercoaster second half season. Prior to the All-Star Break, MAGAolas held a 2.54 ERA and an opponent OPS of .597. The 13 home runs were about league average, but Mikolas mitigated that damage with his excellent walk rate. But since the ASB the team shaman holds a 5.16 ERA through 61 innings and a .727 OPS.
Hey baseball is all about streaks, and a week of mediocre ball does not make for an entire season. Just last week we were sitting here getting our rocks off to how hot the Cards have been in August and how cool the outfield is. They’ve had a meh week, it happens. But there are some other trends for concern. While the pitching struggled a lot this past week, let’s take a look at a guy who may be wearing down.
Mikolas had an immense blowup in Colorado in early August that saw him tagged for 10 runs and 14 hits through 2 ⅔ innings of work. Even if we take that disaster out of the equation he sits at a 3.86 ERA. Not bad by any means, but almost a run and a half higher than his stellar first half. Mikolas also had 13 quality starts in the first half, one start where he didn’t finish 5 innings, and two starts where he gave up 4 earned runs or more. His 6 quality starts in the second half are around the rate he was averaging in the first, however he’s given up 4 or more earned runs in four of his 10 starts. Not to mention he’s failed to complete 5 innings twice now.
It’s not cause for grievous concern, but Miles is slowing down a bit. He is on track to complete 200+ innings for the second time in his career, he is also a season removed from flexor tendon surgery and a strained forearm that kept him sidelined most of last year.
It’s also true that his run of good luck is starting to catch up to him. Despite the rough second half, his FIP has only jumped up 0.16, although the jump has more to do with the amount of home runs he’s allowed. Mikolas posted a 0.97 HR/9 in the first half, but has jumped to 1.33 in the second. Opponents are also hitting .267 on him in the second half, compared to .210.
Don’t take this analysis that Mikolas is an ineffective pitcher, he is very good for what he is; an innings-eater. It’s hard to find guys who can gobble up innings efficiently like Miles can. His K rate is also miles below what a starter averages as well, meaning that metrics like FIP aren’t too kind to him, but Mikolas off-sets that by filling up the strike zone and, well, knowing that he has a good defense. Maybe it’s the sage, or the weird cowboy hat. Miles does what we wish Dakota Hudson did; work really fast, throw a lot of strikes, and have quick at-bats. For a guy pacing for 200+ innings in today’s game, only 10 of his 29 starts saw him throw 100+ pitches, with the most being 129 on June 14th when he chased a no-no into the 9th.
A brief appreciation of Adam Wainwright’s career
Let’s give Waino his own section because this season has been a lot of things for me. It’s a testament to Uncle Charlie’s rubber arm, defying the expectations of age and eating innings and putting his team in a position to win. He’s regressed the same way Miles has for the second half, but I’m gonna use this section to show his career some love.
In addition to a large piece I’m working on about Paul Goldschmidt’s place among all Hall of Fame first basemen, I have another passion project I’ve titled The Many Wins of Adam Wainwright. I was realllllly hoping this season would see him hit 200 Ws.
Wins are an arbitrary thing. We know that. In the past they were used to give accolades to players less than deserving than more dominant starters of their time. Go watch Dorktown’s special on Dave Stieb, or look at Nolan Ryan’s 1987 season–better yet his career. As a starter you can’t control much once the ball hits the bat, but doesn’t leave the yard. The ball just kinda goes where it wants to go, and your teammates try to corral it. It’s kinda like when a mangy cat or squirrel gets on the field and all these helpless underpay stadium staffers have to corner it.
Okay maybe that’s a little too reductive. But the batted baseball has no rules it obeys. Go spend some time on baseball savant looking at launch angle and exit velocity and see that some balls are hit exactly the same but go 100 feet apart, some don’t even leave the yard and some do. Once the balls are in play you’re at the mercy of reaction.
Anyway, wins are gaaaaaaaaay. But I still like them.
Waino entered his age 40 season with 184 career wins, and I have been rooting for him to hit 200. While he hasn’t gone on record about his future beyond this season like Yadi and Albert, time is a precious and limited commodity we all have. He’s not going to get it this year, but he will next season. Currently Waino sits at 194.
His 47.3 career bWAR is a fine number, but not hall of fame worthy. But if you zoom out of his career you’ll see he’s missed at least 100 starts due to injury, and not to mention the covid year when a 38 year-old Adam Wainwright began pitching like he was 26 again. It kinda sucks man. Who knows what could have happened in those 100 starts, maybe he eats shit or maybe he doesn’t.
I get kind of sad thinking about it. Waino’s a big loveable dork, and sure I’ve made fun of him in the past for partaking in centrist politics on social media, but I hate everything that isn’t what I want it to be. Waino’s a good dude with an interesting story to tell; he was raised by a single mom, his older brother taught him to pitch–as well as taking on the role as a father-figure. The day Waino was traded to the Cards he proposed to his wife. He’s old-school and simple, not dumb, but not complex in a way I think a lot of us are. He knows what makes him happy and he does it.
Anyway, imagine in those 100 starts he wins half of them. Waino’s had one losing season in his career, and it wasn’t even a full season. An additional 50 career wins puts him top 60 all-time. He’d be ahead of perennial hall of famers Zack Grienke and Justin Verlander. Waino was always an innings-eater, but let’s be conservative and say he eats 600 innings and strikes out 500 batters. He’d have over 3,000 innings and over 2,600 strikeouts in his career. He doesn’t move up high on the innings list, but 2,600 Ks would put him top 30. He’d probably tack on another 15 WAR to his 47.3 bWAR too.
I get it, it’s a lot of conjecture and goal-post moving. Who cares, this is sports. But if he stayed healthy his whole career and maintained an aggregate production we’ve seen out of him to this point, maybe a hall of famer. Actually, probably a hall of famer.
Brewers suck, lol
Oh man, I spent over 2,000 words flaming the Mets and Yankees. I honestly could have spent that many words shitting on the Milwaukee Brewers, but let’s let them off the hook and talk about them here.
When did things go wrong for them? I would say the culmination of the 1832 Black Hawk War and the 1833 Treaty of Chicago which forced Native Americans to vacate the land to white settlers. Who the fuck needs this version of Milwaukee anyway? We could also say July 30th of this year, when the Brewers were 13 games over .500 and in first place.
But BOY OH BOY the tides have shifted. The Brewers have gone 17-22 since then, lost the division lead, AND sit 3 games back in the Wild Card. They’ve scored the 18th most runs in that time while also surrendering the 8th most.
Who knows what could have possibly led to all this! Wait, I have a guess, could it be that they shipped their star closer to San Diego for an 8th rounder, a guy they DFA’d almost immediately, a struggling closer, and Esteury Ruiz. Some Brewers players were miffed at the decision, but Hader had been struggling a little before the trade.
Josh Hader will always draw the ire for saying some incredibly dumb and racist shit when he was young. We don’t need to rehash it, he’s apologized, so let’s flame on him for having a bad season because he terrorized us for 6 years. He posted 14 saves with a 2.45 ERA against us in 30 games, along with a 15.8 K/9, you know it’s bad when one of our highlight reels is Jose Martinez homering off of him in A GAME WE LOST. Hader worked 4 clean outings against us this season, punching out 6 in 4 innings.
Until July he was having an obnoxious season. He started the season posting 17 ⅔ scoreless innings, he didn’t give up his first run of the season until fucking June. Going into July he was 24 for 25 in save opportunities, sported a 1.09 ERA, and was carrying a 14.96 K/9. Hader was on his way to winning his 4th Trevor Hoffman Award.
But it’s Devil Magic season, baby. Hader imploded in July, giving up 13 runs in 9 ⅓ innings. He blew a game and lost 3. 9 of those runs came in just a third of an inning stretched out over two outings that must’ve seemed like an eternity to Craig Counsell–to be fair, Counsell has already lived through one eternity of woefully eating shit before.
The Brewers shipped Hader to San Diego at the deadline where Hader reinvented himself into being…the worst closer since then. Buddy, c’mon.
I set the bar low for this one, but Hader has the worst ERA among relievers with at least 10 appearances since the trade deadline. The Padres keep sending him out there and for what? To die?
Hader’s first 7 outings with the Padres saw him surrender 12 runs in 4 ⅔ innings. Opponents were slugging .708 off of him, his career mark is .305. He’s done this to the tune of 7 walks, 2 hit batsmen, and 12 hits–lmao. The Padres haven’t been doing so hot since the deadline either, going 18-17 in that span. Thankfully they both seem on the mend, as the Padres have won 3 of their last 4 and Hader has given up just one run in his last 4 outings.
So that trade is a bit of a disaster for San Diego, you’d imagine someone might catch them, right? Not the Milwaukee Brewers. Even after doing Hader a favor by shipping him west the Brewers bullpen has blown 11 saves, that’s second most in the league. The Brewers bullpen was 12th in the league in LOB% until the trade deadline, now they’re 19th. The new guy in town Taylor Rogers is 2-2 with a 5.28 ERA. The Brewers traded the worst version of Josh Hader for a slightly less worse version of Josh Hader. What a fucking war crime.
The Brewers offense almost looks like an improvement compared to last year, but these are still the same old sorry ass Brewers. At first glance you might notice they have 3 twenty home run hitters already, the same amount they had for all of 2021.
But dear reader the current Brewers roster is still averaging slightly less runs than last year’s team, and that team was boring as shit to watch when they were batting. They finished 6th in the NL in runs scored last year and guess where they’re at now? 6th. You know what a 6th rank offense gets you in the NL? Dick that’s what.
Christian Yelich takes a lot of blame here because he hasn’t been the star he used to be. If you’re new to needlessly hating a team and their players, Yelich fouled a ball off his kneecap and shattered it. He also shattered the Brewers’ hopes of ever getting past the Wild Card round.
Yelich sucks and baseball sucks more for it. His 108 OPS+ since 2020 is fine, but goddammit he was going to hit 50 tanks in 2019 before he got hurt. He scared the shit out of Cardinals fans when he came to the dish. Imagine him and Goldy trading 3 homer games right now, baseball would be creaming their socks. It’s like Yelly got bit by a radioactive Cody Bellinger. Fuck you, God.
As if things weren’t bad enough for the Brewers, they don’t have the same schedule as the Cards. They have a rubber match against the Reds today, so starting Tuesday they’ll play 8 straight games against the Cardinals, Yankees, and Mets. They have 3 series against losing teams in the Reds, Marlins, and Diamondbacks.
Time for some unnecessary cruelty
The Cards wrap up their 3 game series against the Pirates in a rubber matchup. Our darling boy Lars Nootbaar is 0-17 during this stretch, Nolan is batting .208 with no homers, and Goldy is hitting .190. Maybe we’re due to suck for a bit, but I can’t see the Birds slumping down the stretch considering we have 12 games remaining against the Pirates and Reds. Milwaukee already did us a big favor keeping our seat warm, I don’t see how else the NL Central crown could be more gift-wrapped for this team.
I really thought the Pirates would be more improved this season. And by more improved I mean posting a winning percentage of .400. I feel bad for every player stuck there; it must be like hell, I’m sure of it. You’re in–what many fans and experts say–one of the most beautiful parks in the league and in one of the most hospitable and safe large cities in the US, and playing in front of no one for an ownership group that has never committed to a $100 million payroll. The Pirates are run by cheapskates, the kind that hide their payroll sheets because they’re so criminal. They signed Ke’Bryan Hayes to a 7 year $80 million deal, and THAT’S the largest deal in franchise history. Imagine Frank Reynolds owning a baseball team, but without the charm.
Oh well.
Fuck the Pirates, they suck they always suck. The only interesting thing about this team is the new ways they’ll fuck up a routine baseball play. Fuck Derek Shelton, you could have became anything in this life and you chose to be manager for the Pittsburgh Pirates. Fuck Ke’Bryan Hayes and every delusional Yinzer who thinks he plays better defense than Nolan Arenado. Hayes’s best play is throwing out Yadier Molina, fucking yawn, a soccer player could have thrown out Molina on that play. We took your best pitcher and made him fucking better, all you’ll ever get from us is our scraps and whatever we let you scrape from the waiver wire. Fuck Bob Nutting with a hammer and the city of Pittsburgh for not tying him to a steel coated pierogie and throwing him in the Allegheny, or the Monongahela, or the Ohio, you know what fuck it pick a river to throw him and then throw the rest of the Pittsburgh into the others. This city and its team deserve nothing fucking nice ever, they played a tribute video to Colin Moran. I hope the entire Steelers and Penguins rosters die so you people have nothing to be happy about again.
Game time is at 12:35 and will have Jose Quintana and Mitch Keller facing against each other. Enjoy the game everyone! Don’t watch too much football either.
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