By Tom
I went to a wedding this weekend. One of my good friends Brendan got married and made me feel icky feelings like love, ew gaaaaaaay. Excuse me while I project even more into this bottle of Rolling Rock.
Brendan did a little podcast back a few years ago, he has one that’s off and on called Coping. It’s a very good podcast, he started it sometime after the death of a girlfriend. It’s very raw and funny and moving. Listen to it. Besides all that, I met up with him and talked and convinced him to try his hand at standup. He’s still doing it. I’ve retired.
It was a good wedding, despite the universe’s attempts to destroy it. They had it at the St. Louis City Museum, a nostalgia generator from my youth. Have you ever got stuck in the whale? A fat kid hasn’t lived until he got stuck in the whale at the city museum.
It’s hot and muggy because that’s Missouri for you. And as soon as I arrive I notice that it’s quite stuffy in the museum and when I get up to the wedding we’re all informed that the AC is broken. FUN. Let me tell you, this wedding stank, if-ya-know-whatta-I-mean.
It was good to catch up with old comedy friends. One of which being Eric; we shot the shit and riffed all night. He brought his kid and wife Sarah, who is very pleasant. It was a fun day.
It was a good day for fellowship and community and seeing old and current friends. It was also great to celebrate Brendan and Caroline’s love.
Anyway, onto sports.
Noot on my baar
JUAN SOTO WHO? Lars Nootbaar has been a revelation since turning his season around. Noot got off to a slow start when he was relegated to the fourth outfield slot. He wasn’t the only one; Corey Dickerson was snake-bitten and Tyler O’Neill must’ve killed dogs in his past life. But here we are and Noot has worked his way into the starting lineup and is hitting at the top of the order. How’s mah boy doing?
Since July 1st, he’s slashing .301/.422/.561 with 17 extra base-hits. He’s clobbered 6 dingers and legged out 3 triples. His 162 game average is over 100 runs scored, 23 home runs, and 102 walks.
I get it, walks are boring, but they’re important. It’s sorta why Tommy Edman isn’t leading off games anymore and Noot is getting a shot at it, and doing pretty well. In 11 games hitting lead-off, Nootbaar is carrying a .440 OBP and a 14.7% walk rate. He’s scored 9 runs in those 11 games as well. That’s the kind of production the ‘Birds have lacked at leadoff for decades, minus Matt Carpenter. Noot also has Brendan Donovan hitting behind him as well, who is slashing .336/.425/.436 in 29 games from the 2 hole this season. Donny also carries a walk rate over 12% to go with a K rate of less than 17%. He gets on base, works a count, and puts the ball in play. What more can you ask for?
The Nootbaar and Donny combo are a perfect set-up for the Goldy-Nolan battery.
Big Dick Rising
What the fuck is up with Corey Dickerson? Cardinals twitter–in typical fashion–left him for dead. I was worried I’d have to add another notch to my Fucked Up Predictions belt. But look who’s laughing now? Dickerson’s carrying a .730 OPS and a 109 OPS+, just a staple of steadiness and consistency, definitely no ups or downs this season.
Okay that’s a lie. Dickerson was hitting .180 at the end of May, and certain members of the podcast, myself included, were facepalming at his contributions in lieu of Joc Pederson launching nukes into McCovey Cove. Corey spent most of June and early July on the IL, rehabbed a little, and seemed to find his swing again.
Since June 1st, the Big Dick is carrying a one dot, baby–1.016 OPS–and is hitting .375. Although to be fair, it required an historical run of ABs that saw him bump his average from .232 to .277, but that’s baseball, my dudes! Dickerson got a knock in 10 consecutive at-bats and came one short of the expansion era record set by Dustin Pedroia and Bernie Williams. He did set a Cardinals record though. Since the Chicago series, he’s–lol–13 for his last 22.
But what about the people the trolley already killed?
President Joe Biden, who has entered his Punisher-phase lately, canceled $10K of student loan debt and $20K for Pell Grant recipients–which I benefit from. Josh already wrote a piece stating his feelings on the matter, and while I’m not receptive as he is, I will say it’s a good thing–and that voting doesn’t matter! We initially thought of writing a point-counterpoint piece, but found that we agreed too much to make it entertaining or thought-provoking.
Here’s the gist: student loans are predatory and a feature of our capitalist system to make money off of a self-generated market. We started telling kids they needed a degree to succeed, and then we stopped funding those state universities with tax-dollars and shifted the burden to the student. We geared our economy to accept that someone without a bachelor’s was an incompetent worker, and that trade jobs were made for cat-calling morons and predators. We coerced generations of young adults–with no financial literacy–into taking out mountains of student loan debt so they could participate in an economy that doesn’t value or compensate them fairly for their degree. It is an unjust system that needs to be abolished and nationalized.
Good? Good.
Anyway people have been saying incredibly stupid things about it. Like “what about me? I paid my student loans?”
We shouldn’t pass any laws or legislation or make anyone’s life better. It wouldn’t be fair to those who were harmed by the system. Don’t even entertain this level of cope or selfishness. If anything the government should reimburse those people for paying into a criminal enterprise like student loans, and at the very least should cancel all student debt–we’re somehow below the minimum but WE’LL GET THERE, DAMMIT.
But what about all the people the trolley killed? It wouldn’t be fair to them if we stopped it from killing people further! Christ, conservatives and liberals would means-test a gun raffle if it meant shooting a poor person in the face.
time for some unncessary cruelty
The Cardinals face the Braves today in a rubber match. Last night Ryan Helsley came on and did Ryan Heslely things against an organization that still does racist chop–I know this is rich coming from a Cardinals fan. He punched out 2 and got the W and lowered his ERA to 0.89. He also had a kid, pure dad energy coming out of the pen to get the Braves off his lawn.
I hate the Braves. Fuck Brian Snitker with his manager of the year trophy. Fuck Spencer Strider and his vaudeville mustache and massive quads. Fuck Dansby Swanson and his slave owner name. Fuck Austin Riley for thinking he’s an MVP and Ronald Acuna Jr’s knee and Marcell Ozuna and whatever braincells he hasn’t killed yet. Fuck every stupid surburbanite that left Atlanta for being too black. Fuck that stupid-ass chop with Brian Kemp’s melted cheese face. I hope William Sherman comes back from the grave with an army of undead and burns Cobb County to the ground.
Game time is 6 o’clock and Jake Odorizzi and Adam Wainwright are on the bump. Enjoy the game, everyone.
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