By Tom
It’s not fun being an Oakland A’s fan. Right now the organization is engaged in a massive rebuild that saw them trade or release every piece of a team that won 86 games last year and made the playoffs 3 of the last 4, even parting ways with then manager of 10 years Bob Melvin.
We know what you’re thinking, why would anyone devote themselves to 10 years of agony, but the divorce rate is 50% in this country so let’s hope Bob and the A’s are on to greener pastures!
Oh…
Oh shit.
Well, don’t feel so down Bob stans and Padres fans, you could be the Oakland Athletics! Currently the A’s sport the lowest 26 man payroll, with only 3 players making over $1 million this season. Their highest paid player is career .236 hitter Chad Pinder, their best pitcher(s) from last season–which one?–play for a different team(s), and their combined payroll for 2022 is the 2nd lowest in the league. Not to mention that they’ve won only 25 games since the end of May and currently rank at or near bottom of every offensive category in the majors!
This shouldn’t shock you when I tell you that the Oakland Athletics sport the lowest MLB attendance this year, averaging less than 9,500 fans per home game in a stadium built for a football team that left 3 years ago. It’s as if the Gods TM weren’t done raining on the A’s, and instead started pissing and shitting on them.
And with a stadium this empty and a team this bad–sorry Chad Pinder–what better way to take in the California weather by getting upper terrace seating and getting your tube serviced.
Talk about hitting some ropes, amirite?
This clearly despicable–and awesome–sex act has no place for a storied franchise like the Athletics, who are currently doing any and everything in their power to follow the Raiders to Las Vegas.
Organizational response to this couple doing something every A’s fan wishes they could be doing–getting sloppy toppy and not watching baseball–has been to crackdown on this sort of behavior by stationing more ushers and security in the upper levels. Finally, the Athletics are creating jobs instead of sending them to the Yankees! Certainly a tough one to swallow.
In a more serious tone, the police are also involved and the couple, if caught, could face a fine of $1,000 and six months in jail, although being a fan of this current Athletics team is perhaps a harsher punishment.
To their credit, A’s fans–the twenty of them–have taken this one on the chin. The guys over at The Rickey Henderson of Blogs even made some signs and attended Monday’s 3-0 loss to the Marlins with some clever signage to boot. Some of those are quite the mouthful!
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